I'm a Pansexual Woman and I Love Giving Oral Sex
(In response to the Vice article "I'm a straight man and I hate giving oral sex" by Davide Lomino which can be found here: https://www.vice.com/sv/article/im-a-straight-man-and-i-hate-oral-sex-876)
I love vaginas, which means I love licking them.
I'm a 25-year-old, pansexual woman in a relationship with a woman whose vagina I could eat for days. It's something that I have loved doing, ever since I tried it for the first time when I was 18.
When I read the article that inspired me to write this piece, I was shocked, disgusted, revolted, but ultimately disappointed that there might now be men who read it, and never bother to experience the joy that is eating pussy. Davide Lomino, you ARE a rare bird, so don't imagine otherwise. You are a jerk, and while I am not personally offended because I love my vagina, you are offensive. It is easy to judge that you do not like vaginas.
Now, that is not to say that every person who does not enjoy performing oral sex on a vagina does not like vaginas. When it comes to healthy, sexual encounters, it is okay to have preferences. The way you go about expressing those preferences, however; that is where the issue lies.
Your preliminary porn research, which I'm sure was incredibly thorough, is not an indication of any kind of decisive statement. Anybody with the maturity of a walnut understands that pornography has never been a realistic interpretation of an actual, fulfilling, sexual relationship.
You are, of course, an incredible, brave man for occasionally still trying to go down on a woman. I am having your name engraved on a medal as we speak. I am sorry that you did not like the taste of your first vagina. My heart weeps for the fact that you thought oral sex involved you holding your breath, but even more so for the partner you left unsatisfied because you were unable to muster up a "Does this feel okay?". First times can be tough, awkward, and sometimes downright uncomfortable. I remember the first time I gave a blow job...actually, my first time was when I was being assaulted so let me focus on consensual acts. I remember the first time I decided to give a boy a blow job. I was 13, it was the summer before high school and I was dating a boy named Bob (name changed to protect his identity). Looking back now, he had an average sized penis, but for a 13 year old it was still a mouthful. I won't go into too much detail, as I was under the age of consent, but rest assured, there was definitely a bad taste, and I also ran out of breath. I, too, had to give up. However, I did not blame the penis. It was not the penis's fault. It was a combination of teenage boy-ness and my own inexperience.
Like you, I have a sense of smell. I urge you to take your boxers off today, and shove your nose in them and take a nice, long whiff. Your penis does not smell good either. But again, I do not blame the penis. I have never experienced a nice smelling penis, but I overlook it. According to you, blow jobs are a fundamental part of sexual intercourse whereas giving head to a woman is uncomfortable and unimportant. Do you know what is always an uncomfortable position? A penis hitting the back of your throat. Again, I urge you to try to experiment with this yourself: I'm sure you can find something phallic around your house.
You don't explain how a blow job is essential, and frankly I am baffled as I try to understand it. Between your need to be blown in order to have a successful sexual experience, and your aversion to having your face near a vagina, it is getting very difficult for me to believe that you actually love vaginas at all.
And now we come to my favourite part. The wound. You 'love' vaginas and yet you consider them a wound in the "perfect whole". It is sad to me that you are so scared of a vagina that you consider it a wound. That you think it must be 'splattered' against your face, and that you consider it impossible to 'control' what is going on down there. It is not, I have tried to replay the scenario in my head a dozen times over and I cannot understand why you struggle to 'control' it so much. When I have sex with my significant other, there are times when I literally feel like I am wrestling a crocodile, and yet I have never had an issue when my mouth was between her thighs. Trust me, if you are doing it right, a woman will even help to keep you there. Similar to the way a man shoves your head down on his dick, except you are having a penis shoved down half of your throat. You might choke up, your eyes might water, you might run out of breath when you face a vagina, but think about how much harder it would be with a dick in your mouth...
The penis is surprisingly not a simple thing, the fact that you have been playing with yours since you first discovered it might make it seem like it is, but it is not. I have known many a woman who has spent nearly an hour trying to make a man orgasm through oral sex. If you think you going down on a woman until you get tired is a feat, I again ask you to imagine trying to do that while you have a penis down your throat.
Women might have specific requests, as you say, but that's not a bad thing. In fact, that should be a good thing and something you should explore. Sex is not fun if only one person is enjoying it, if you think otherwise then you are bordering on the line of assault.
This is where it gets interesting, according to you, "Any man who's failed at satisfying a woman orally knows that means you are instantly out of the game." Not only does this conflict with almost a decade of my own personal sexual experience with men, this directly conflicts with what you stated earlier, when things seemed absolutely fine after you "made the girl come in some other ways". Which is it? Does failed oral sex ruin everything or can you still make a girl orgasm after?
You don't like going down on a girl, that's fine. That is your personal preference and while I feel sorry for the women you encounter sexually, I can only hope they are all consenting parties who have chosen such a fate, but my question to you is this; why do you want to scare other men away? Do you hate women? I cannot fathom any other reason that you would take your experience, and turn it into a PSA for men against pussy-eating.